Garden State

So, after many months of being E-Z Pass-less, I finally rejoined my 21st century brethren in the, uh, 21st century and received the magical plastic box 'o fun in the mail yesterday. Now, most of the time when I drive I usually try to avoid paying tolls because I'm a cheap Jew, and also I don't always have enough cash on me. But sometimes you can't avoid paying a toll, like when you go to New Jersey, but other times it's just so inconvenient to take the toll-less route, you resign yourself to paying the $4.50 for the Throgs Neck or some such similarly named monstrosity. However, the situation in which I am most excited to use E-Z Pass is for my occasional trip to Atlantic City. I've driven to Atlantic city twice over the past eight months, and driving on the Garden State Parkway without E-Z-Pass is like trying to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver. Another words, I'd rather shoot myself in the face repeatedly. Here's what I'm talking about. The New Jersey Turnpike, a noble road if ever there was one, operates with the silky-smooth precision of a five-bladed shaver. You enter onto it, you collect a ticket if you don't have E-Z Pass, you drive on it for as long as you like, and then you pay a toll when you exit corresponding to how long you drove on it. The Garden State Parkway, however, is still living in the good ol' 20th century. If you don't have E-Z Pass, roughly every ten miles or so you need to pay another $0.35 or $0.45 or $0.70 toll. Notice that you need at least two types of coins to pay for each toll. It would be far more simple if they made all the tolls in multiples of $0.25. Another words, if you don't have E-Z Pass, plan to bring a roll of quarters and a roll of dimes, and a stout piece of wood to put between your teeth so you don't bite off your own tongue while in the throes of another hydrophobic seizure brought about by chronic toll-paying. Hurrah for E-Z Pass. The velcro that comes with it is pretty cool too. I wish I could still get away with wearing velcro sneakers. I wonder if the velcro guy is worth as much as the aglet guy. This will require some investigation.