Just Throw Strikes

Okay, here's the situation. Mets are down to the Yankees 3-2 in the top of the 9th inning. The Yankees have the bases loaded thanks in part to another dropped pop-up, and there are two outs. The Yankees brought in Mariano Rivera with two outs in the 8th inning with two men on, and after fouling off several tough pitches in a row, Omir Santos watched a ball go right down the middle. Obviously. Anyway, because the Yankees want Rivera to pitch the 9th inning, they allow him to bat. Again, to recap, bases are loaded, Mets are down by one run, two outs in the top of the 9th inning. The Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez is facing Mariano Rivera, a man who has appeared in a batters box six times in his entire career. Now the obvious play is to throw three straight fastballs right down the middle. Odds are that Rivera, with all of his batting experience, will strike out or hit the ball weakly somewhere. But no, Frankie decides he's going to be cute and starts off throwing two balls. Now Rivera's not swinging because he's probably afraid he's going to hurt himself. I'm sure the Yankees would have been content to just have him watch three strikes go by and then go pitch. Then Frankie "fights" his way back to 2-2 and then throws two more balls. He walked the opposing pitcher with the bases loaded. He forced a run in. He actually allowed a pitcher with six career plate appearances to walk. Why on earth would you ever throw any balls to a relief pitcher in the American League? It's actually unconscionable. It's the most absurdly horrible thing I've ever seen a pitcher do. Now it probably won't matter in the least because Rivera will probably shut the Mets down in the 9th inning anyway, but that's not the point! Just threw three straight strikes down the middle and have done! That's it. I'm done. Enough. I'm disgusted.

Oh, and thanks for a correction in one of the comments. Rivera actually had just two plate appearances before today.

You Need to Let Me Know!

The late, great Mitchell Lee Hedberg zt"l once intoned: "I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was "HH", so I went to the side, I found the "H" button, I pushed it twice. Fuckin' potato chips came out, man! Turns out they had a "HH" button. You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of "HH". I did not learn my AA-BB-CC's. God god, dammit dammit."

Now this, as many of you would agree, is not an incredibly funny joke, nor is it particularly well delivered. But, the esteemed Mr. Hedberg's quotation is not without its merits.

Before I continue, let me just say that I have returned to a position where I will have significantly more downtime with which I can continue writing. Az for those of you who have been breathlessly waiting for my inevitable return, I bid you welcome.

Anyway, the point is that people are allowed to do whatever they want, but they should at least let us know what they're planning. There's totally allowed to be an HH button on the candy machine, just put a big ol' sign on there telling us NOT to hit the H button twice. You follow me? I'll give you a coupla examples:

One day two weeks ago I decided to drive down to work. On an average morning at about 8:15, it should take about 35-40 minutes to get from the RJC at 237th Street and Independence Avenue to West 14th Street and 9th Avenue. Az at about 8:31 I'm listening to the traffic report to see if there are any surprises on the Henry Hudson Parkway. Sounds like all's clear, az I stick with it. And then traffic starts to slow down. Traffic report still mentions nothing, az when I finally, 45 minutes later, get to around 50th Street, I see a three-car accident being cleared up. Now listen. It's fine if there's an accident; it happens, there's nothing you can do about it, right? But is it so difficult to just spend five seconds of the traffic report to tell us? It's SO easy. I mean what's the point of listening to the traffic report if they're going to ignore the ONE thing you need to hear about? So - incredibly - frustrating.

Here's another. Last night I was watching So You Think You Can Dance at my apartment, and we were about an hour behind because of working out and preparing for dinner. Az the DVR helped us catch up, az we finished the show only 10-15 minutes after the show actually ended. Meanwhile, I missed the Mets' 11-0 win over the Cardinals, az I wanted to see highlights on SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight on ESPN, but the College World Series was on, az I checked out the channel listings and saw that SportsCenter was on at 11. Fine. 11:00 rolls around, and it had a few extra minutes of College World Series. No biggie; it happens all the time with these live events. Az now I'm breathlessly awaiting SportsCenter and what comes on? Freakin' NBA Draft Preview! WTF?! Az now I'm thinking, "ok, it's just for the first few minutes of SportsCenter, and then they'll get back to all the baseball highlights," but NO, it went the full freakin' hour. And then, to turn insult to injury, they spent the first half hour of SportsCenter showing MORE NBA Draft coverage (didn't they just have an hour devoted to it??? WTF?!?!?!?!), MORE College World Series, and then a long segment on the US soccer team beating the Spanish. Seriously, WHO THE F**K CARES about the College World Series and international soccer? I mean yes, some people do care, but those segments should be relegated to later on in the hour. Put the real, professional American sports first. Fine. I get it. The point is that the channel listings showed that SportsCenter was on from 11-12, and yet they broadcasted the NBA Draft preview. It's fine if you want to have such a preview, but you have to let us know that you're doing it! And it's not like it was breaking news and they didn't have time to inform the cable company to change their listing. The NBA Draft has been on the schedule for a year! It's so easy. All you have to do is tell us what you're planning.

Sorry if I'm a bit rusty; it's been a while. At least I have the semi-colon stuff still rollin'.