What's the most important holiday among Christians, Catholics, and Protestants? Is it Christmas? I dunno. I guess since there are two Federal holidays this time of year (Christmas and New Years), we call this time "the holidays." Aren't we Jews pompous? Oh sure, the rest of the world can have "the holidays," but in September and October we have "the high holidays." This is neither here nor there; it just came to me when I was about to start typing. Now we'll return to our regularly scheduled absurdity.
Let's add this one on to my ever-growin' list of driving pet-peeves. Let's say you're double-parked because you went in to the bodega to get a soda, or you're picking up/dropping off a friend. Here's what you're not allowed to do: don't just start driving if there is moving traffic; only start driving once there is a red light and cars are not moving. Here's an example that I hope will demonstrate my point. Let's say I'm driving uptown on a one-way street, let's say Amsterdam Avenue. Now let's say I want to make a right turn onto 81st Street. If you're double-parked on the east side of the street close to the end of the block, I will have to make my right turn from the second lane. If you're all of a sudden gonna start driving after being double-parked, I have no idea what to do! Are you gonna turn also? Are you gonna let me by so I can turn? Are you gonna speed up and get ahead of me and go straight so I have to jam on the breaks to prevent a collision? Next time, start driving when it's a red light so nobody will have to deal with your unpredictability. Seriously, drivers need to have more consideration for their fellow travelers. The roads are dangerous enough without your selfishness and disregard for others. It's very possible that I expect too much from other drivers, but I think it's much more likely that most people just don't care.
I was just typing my friend an e-mail, and I was saying how each time I go to Cafe K for lunch I get the same exact panini; I get the square panini bread with pesto sauce, mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and basil. However, I always get charged a different amount; I've been charged as little as $4.50 and as much as $9.25 for the same food. Then I said that it might be a function of who is manning the cash register. That got me thinking. I'm using the word "manning" as a verb. The infinitive form of the word would be "to man." I will now look up the word "man" and look at the verb listing. Okay, done. Here's the one I'm looking for (from dictionary.com):
tr.v. manned, man·ning, mans
2. To take stations at, as to defend or operate: manned the guns.
Then there's a big gray box in which dictionary.com goes through a whole explanation of the word "man" as a general term for humankind. I won't go through that whole thing. The point is, I think I'm gonna start using the word "woman" as a verb, you know like "...and then she started crying! I can't believe she womanned me like that!" or "Uh oh! Our seven person meal just turned into a 19 person meal! Woman the kitchen!" This might get me into deep doodoo.
Anyway, I'm listening to the radio today, and from 1:00 to 2:00 every weekday, 1050 ESPN Radio broadcasts one hour of the Mike Tirico Show. Since every big radio host gets to go on vacation, they have all the understudies doing the shows today, az filling in for Mike Tirico today is Erik Kuselias (whenever he introduces himself it sounds like he's saying Eric Asillius, az that's how it's pronounced in case you were curious). He fills in on the radio a lot, usually for one of the Mike's on Mike & Mike in the Morning (curiously, neither of those Mike's is Tirico), az I've heard him enough times to be used to him. I don't find him that great; I think he's a bit arrogant, but he can be entertaining at times. He had an interesting segment today in which he listed the top-five awkward holiday moments. I though they were pretty clever, az I'll go ahead and list them here:
1. You get a really bad gift in person and you have to pretend you like it.
2. Someone at the company/family holiday party has too much to drink and either makes a fool out of himself by being overly friendly with you ("I love you maaan"), or finally lets out his anger and gets violent.
3. You give your significant other a gift, and someone else gives him/her a similar gift of greater value. (Caution!!!! Hypothetical scenario!!!! I repeat! Hypothetical!!!!) Like if I get my girlfriend an ipod shuffle, and her co-worker gets her an iphone.
4. You go to your significant other's house for dinner and his/her parents make your relationship a lot more serious than it is by asking you important questions about your future.
5. You and your significant other exchange gifts that are on completely different levels. Like if I were to give my (again hypothetical) girlfriend a new toothbrush, and she gets me a platinum watch.
I just thought some of those were interesting. Hope you enjoyed today's post. Happy painting, and G-d bless, my friends.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
This Never Happens
A friend called me up last night for a favor at about 9:00. She asked me if I could drive her to the West Side just to drop her friend off, and then we could head back up to the Heights. Now, normally this would be the exact opposite of problematic, but in this case, my roommate had asked me if he could use my car to visit his little friend in Teaneck. The point is that I was forced to use my other roommate's car, inasmuch as he was gracious enough to offer it. He might have gone himself, but he goes to bed early, and it was already about 9:45(!) by the time we left. Anyways, we get down to the West Side and drop the girl off, and by this time I'm getting the mad munchies. That might've been due to the conversation we had in my apartment right before we left about rolling Js. Or it might just have been due to the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since that enormous shwarma I had from Grill Point five hours earlier. In any event, I needed some junk food, so I drove us over to Duane Reade on 106th Street and Broadway. I parked and we got out of the car. Now, when I get out of my car and lock the doors with the remote, the headlights turn off automatically. I drive a 2005 Acura TL. One time I had to rig my license plate to stay attached to the car using pieces of a wire hanger. My roommate drives a 1997 Geo Metro. He has his side mirrors hanging on for dear life with pieces of duct tape. My purpose in taking that unnecessary shot at my roommate's car is to demonstrate that his car, while it works perfectly and purrs like a playful kitten, isn't as technologically advanced as mine. Az when we got out of the car and went to Duane Reade, the headlights were still on. My friend said "isn't that bad?" So I'm like, "It'll be fine; we'll be in there for five minutes." Lo and behold, we get back in the car and it wouldn't start. Kudos to the girl for not crying, because the only cure-all for crying that I know is a hug, and I'd be way too nervous to do that. Besides, she assures me that my hugging her would only result in more crying, whatever that means. Anyway, if it were my car, I would just call Acura roadside and they would be there in like half an hour and jump-start the car for free. The last thing I wanted to do was call AAA and pay them with my million dollars bill, which I printed from my computer (see SB email #88, "Couch Patch." Jesus, it's been a long time since I referenced homestarrunner.com. Incidentally, that was the first SB e-mail I ever watched). I had actually been in a somewhat similar position last year when my old roommate's sister stalled his car on the West Side. In that situation, he called all his hatzolah buddies, and after a makeshift party right there on the sidewalk, one of them took out his cables and jump-started the car. So I figured I might as well do the same thing, inasmuch as my roommate was probably asleep and wasn't picking up his phone. I had figured that maybe you had to do something special to the car when it acts up, you know like kicking one of the tires, elbowing the dashboard, and turning the ignition while picking your nose. Who knows what sorts of tricks you need to know with these 1997 Geos? Anyway, I started calling every hatzolah guy I knew (and some I didn't know). One was asleep, one was in Florida, one's car was in the shop, and two didn't pick up. By this time, my other roommate finally answered his phone, az I asked him to wake up our roommate to tell him that his car wouldn't start. He gets on the phone and says "hit 'lock,' 'unlock,' and then 'lock' again on the remote control, and then try the ignition." And it worked! I wasn't really overly surprised that it worked, but the real astounding thing was that I was 100% correct about there being some kind of trick to starting the car. That never happens! What I mean is I'm right all the time because I'm ridiculously smart and know a lot of stuff, but in my capacity as Captain Optimistic Guy, I've come to realize that things don't always work out the way you want them to, no matter how much you hope. But this time I was right! It was freakin' unbelievable. Az there we are, sitting in the car, about to pull out of the parking spot, when one of those coach buses pulls up right next to us and starts letting out a busload of senior citizens in wheel chairs. An hour and a half later (really only like six minutes), we were on our way back to the Heights. It was an almost perfect night.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Cos-K?
No no, don't worry; it's not a math post. It's another baseball post!
I was reading baseball prospectus today, and they have a highlight video of new Cubs right-fielder Kosuke Fukudome. I watched the video and closely scrutinized his stance and swing. The first thing I noticed was "ohmygod, he's a carbon copy of Kaz Matsui," the former Mets "savior" who couldn't handle the New York pressure, yet managed to make the World Series as a member of the Colorado Rockies. I always thought that there was something mechanically wrong with Matsui's swing from the left side. When he would bat righty, it looked more natural when he drove the ball, like he actually knew what he was doing. But when he hit lefty, it looked like he was always stepping away from the plate with his front leg. This is symptomatic of many Japanese imports (Hideki Matsui, Ichiro, Akinori Iwamura), although I think it's less pronounced with H. Matsui. It appears that all these players have been trained to begin their natural stride towards first base during their swing so they have that extra quick step getting out of the batters box. I think this is an OK approach to hitting if you have little power (Ichiro was 2nd in lowest Isolated Power in 2007 for players who qualified for the batting title and hit over .300 at .080. Luis Castillo, another lefty slap-hitter was first. Ichiro was tops in 2006. Isolated Power measures your propensity for getting extra-base hits by subtracting your batting average from your slugging percentage.), like Ichiro, Kaz, and Iwamura, because when you're relying on your speed, that quick stride to first base can help a lot. But if you're a power hitter like Hideki Matsui or Kosuke Fukudome, you need to be stepping in towards the plate so you can get your powerful body behind your swing. I think Hideki figured it out early on; he "only" hit 16 home runs in his first season in America, but since then has hit 31, 23, and 25 in his other full seasons. We'll see how long it takes for Fukudome to adjust to American pitching.
Now, I'm far from being a good hitter. Anyone who has watched me hit over the last year or two knows that I basically hit line drives to center/right-center field, unless I'm deliberately aiming somewhere else. I think in 14 softball games last summer in about 40 plate appearances, I probably got out 18 times, walked eight times, and got 14 hits (wow, a .550 OBP and a .469 SLG. A not too shabby 1.019 OPS. Again, I was just estimating; I might be slightly off), which is great, but only one of those hits was for extra-bases (a double in our last regular season game). One thing I really cut down on was pop-ups. When I was in high-school, I was primarily known for my slick-fielding; I wasn't much of a hitter (G-d knows, we even had a DH for me a few times, and I was the 2nd baseman!). I used to ALWAYS step away from home plate with my front foot, so I would pop out to 2nd base/right field all the time. I really worked hard on trying to keep my body in close to the plate while I swung, so I finally started getting my not-as-ample-as-now-yet-still-ample-enough body weight behind my swing, and I started to drive the ball a little bit.
Kaz, and Ichiro should be trying to hit a lot of bloopers the other way as lefties, but I think they look a whole lot better when they swing at inside pitches (it's hard to pull your body away from an inside pitch and still get decent wood on it).
Of course, these things I've noticed could just be a trick of the camera angle, which usually comes in over the pitcher's right shoulder, but I don't really think so.
Anyway, I wish Fukudome all the success in the world; he obviously knows a ton more about hitting than I do (although I'll be surprised if he has a better OPS than I do this year ;)
I was reading baseball prospectus today, and they have a highlight video of new Cubs right-fielder Kosuke Fukudome. I watched the video and closely scrutinized his stance and swing. The first thing I noticed was "ohmygod, he's a carbon copy of Kaz Matsui," the former Mets "savior" who couldn't handle the New York pressure, yet managed to make the World Series as a member of the Colorado Rockies. I always thought that there was something mechanically wrong with Matsui's swing from the left side. When he would bat righty, it looked more natural when he drove the ball, like he actually knew what he was doing. But when he hit lefty, it looked like he was always stepping away from the plate with his front leg. This is symptomatic of many Japanese imports (Hideki Matsui, Ichiro, Akinori Iwamura), although I think it's less pronounced with H. Matsui. It appears that all these players have been trained to begin their natural stride towards first base during their swing so they have that extra quick step getting out of the batters box. I think this is an OK approach to hitting if you have little power (Ichiro was 2nd in lowest Isolated Power in 2007 for players who qualified for the batting title and hit over .300 at .080. Luis Castillo, another lefty slap-hitter was first. Ichiro was tops in 2006. Isolated Power measures your propensity for getting extra-base hits by subtracting your batting average from your slugging percentage.), like Ichiro, Kaz, and Iwamura, because when you're relying on your speed, that quick stride to first base can help a lot. But if you're a power hitter like Hideki Matsui or Kosuke Fukudome, you need to be stepping in towards the plate so you can get your powerful body behind your swing. I think Hideki figured it out early on; he "only" hit 16 home runs in his first season in America, but since then has hit 31, 23, and 25 in his other full seasons. We'll see how long it takes for Fukudome to adjust to American pitching.
Now, I'm far from being a good hitter. Anyone who has watched me hit over the last year or two knows that I basically hit line drives to center/right-center field, unless I'm deliberately aiming somewhere else. I think in 14 softball games last summer in about 40 plate appearances, I probably got out 18 times, walked eight times, and got 14 hits (wow, a .550 OBP and a .469 SLG. A not too shabby 1.019 OPS. Again, I was just estimating; I might be slightly off), which is great, but only one of those hits was for extra-bases (a double in our last regular season game). One thing I really cut down on was pop-ups. When I was in high-school, I was primarily known for my slick-fielding; I wasn't much of a hitter (G-d knows, we even had a DH for me a few times, and I was the 2nd baseman!). I used to ALWAYS step away from home plate with my front foot, so I would pop out to 2nd base/right field all the time. I really worked hard on trying to keep my body in close to the plate while I swung, so I finally started getting my not-as-ample-as-now-yet-still-ample-enough body weight behind my swing, and I started to drive the ball a little bit.
Kaz, and Ichiro should be trying to hit a lot of bloopers the other way as lefties, but I think they look a whole lot better when they swing at inside pitches (it's hard to pull your body away from an inside pitch and still get decent wood on it).
Of course, these things I've noticed could just be a trick of the camera angle, which usually comes in over the pitcher's right shoulder, but I don't really think so.
Anyway, I wish Fukudome all the success in the world; he obviously knows a ton more about hitting than I do (although I'll be surprised if he has a better OPS than I do this year ;)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Who Knew?
Seriously, where would I be without Joe Posnanski? He actually writes for a living, and consequently his blog is far better than mine. But I'm just a kid, right? Anyway, he made a very astute point today, one that I never would have realized without his help. I'm almost ashamed to put this in print (some of you will be suprised about this), but it seems that Keith Hernandez was at least as good as Don Mattingly. I would never have noticed this, especially because I grew up watching Donnie play, and Keith's best days were already behind him by 1988. Why don't we just dive into the stats, okay?
Overall:
Mattingly: 7003 AB, 1007 Runs, 2153 Hits, 442 2Bs, 20 3Bs, 222 HR, 1099 RBI, 588 BB, 444 Ks, .307 BA, .358 OBP, .471 SLG, .829 OPS, 127 OPS+, .300 EqA, 43 FRAA, 84.7 WARP3, 1127 RC, 6.06 RC/27, 249.85 WS
Hernandez: 7370 AB, 1124 Runs, 2182 Hits, 426 2Bs, 60 3Bs, 162 HR, 1071 RBI, 1070 BB, 1012 Ks, .296 BA, .384 OBP, .436 SLG, .820 OPS, 128 OPS+, .300 EqA, 207 FRAA, 112.5 WARP3, 1274 RC, 6.26 RC/27, 295.45 WS
Those numbers are really, really close. The counting stats are so similar it's almost a wash (Hits, 2Bs, RBI), and the rate stats are also nearly indistinguishable (OPS, EqA). If you take apart OPS, you start to see the differences; Hernandez walked A LOT more than Mattingly, but Mattingly hit more home runs to drive up that SLG. Otherwise, the only stats that really separate the two are strikeouts (you know how I feel about those) and fielding. Joe Posnanski put it best: "And while Mattingly was an outstanding defensive first baseman, Hernandez was a groundbreaking one, maybe the best defensive first baseman ever to play the game." Hernandez's fielding was worth 207 more runs than an average 1st baseman, while Donnie's was worth a respectable 43.
They both had their share of fantastic seasons; they both won an MVP award and finished in the top ten in voting three other times. One could argue that Mattingly should have won the award in both 1985 (when he actually won) and in 1986 when he had an even better season, although he lost that award to a tiny Texan pitcher named Clemens. Anyway, here are those seasons:
Mattingly (1985): 652 ABs, 107 Runs, 211 Hits, 48 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 35 HR, 145 RBI(!), 56 BB, 41 Ks, .324 BA, .371 OBP, .567 SLG, .938 OPS, 156 OPS+, .327 EqA, 5 FRAA, 10.9 WARP3, 136 RC, 7.72 RC/27, Gold Glove (1st of 9 in 10 years)
Mattingly (1986): 677 ABs, 117 Runs, 238 Hits, 53 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 31 HR, 113 RBI, 53 BB, 35 Ks(!), .352 BA, .394 OBP, .573 SLG, .967 OPS, 161 OPS+, .336 EqA, 9 FRAA, 12 WARP3, 150 RC, 8.68 RC/27, Gold Glove
Hernandez (1979): 610 AB, 116 Runs, 210 Hits, 48 2Bs, 11 3Bs, 11 HR, 105 RBI, 80 BB, 78 Ks, .344 BA, .417 OBP, .513 SLG, .930 OPS, 151 OPS+, .324 EqA, 21 FRAA, 11.4 WARP3, 135 RC, 8.66 RC/27, Gold Glove (1st of 11 in a row)
Geez, these guys are so similar it's almost scary. It is important to me that these stats remain unfrightening, especially since Don Mattingly could still get voted into the Hall of Fame.
Overall:
Mattingly: 7003 AB, 1007 Runs, 2153 Hits, 442 2Bs, 20 3Bs, 222 HR, 1099 RBI, 588 BB, 444 Ks, .307 BA, .358 OBP, .471 SLG, .829 OPS, 127 OPS+, .300 EqA, 43 FRAA, 84.7 WARP3, 1127 RC, 6.06 RC/27, 249.85 WS
Hernandez: 7370 AB, 1124 Runs, 2182 Hits, 426 2Bs, 60 3Bs, 162 HR, 1071 RBI, 1070 BB, 1012 Ks, .296 BA, .384 OBP, .436 SLG, .820 OPS, 128 OPS+, .300 EqA, 207 FRAA, 112.5 WARP3, 1274 RC, 6.26 RC/27, 295.45 WS
Those numbers are really, really close. The counting stats are so similar it's almost a wash (Hits, 2Bs, RBI), and the rate stats are also nearly indistinguishable (OPS, EqA). If you take apart OPS, you start to see the differences; Hernandez walked A LOT more than Mattingly, but Mattingly hit more home runs to drive up that SLG. Otherwise, the only stats that really separate the two are strikeouts (you know how I feel about those) and fielding. Joe Posnanski put it best: "And while Mattingly was an outstanding defensive first baseman, Hernandez was a groundbreaking one, maybe the best defensive first baseman ever to play the game." Hernandez's fielding was worth 207 more runs than an average 1st baseman, while Donnie's was worth a respectable 43.
They both had their share of fantastic seasons; they both won an MVP award and finished in the top ten in voting three other times. One could argue that Mattingly should have won the award in both 1985 (when he actually won) and in 1986 when he had an even better season, although he lost that award to a tiny Texan pitcher named Clemens. Anyway, here are those seasons:
Mattingly (1985): 652 ABs, 107 Runs, 211 Hits, 48 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 35 HR, 145 RBI(!), 56 BB, 41 Ks, .324 BA, .371 OBP, .567 SLG, .938 OPS, 156 OPS+, .327 EqA, 5 FRAA, 10.9 WARP3, 136 RC, 7.72 RC/27, Gold Glove (1st of 9 in 10 years)
Mattingly (1986): 677 ABs, 117 Runs, 238 Hits, 53 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 31 HR, 113 RBI, 53 BB, 35 Ks(!), .352 BA, .394 OBP, .573 SLG, .967 OPS, 161 OPS+, .336 EqA, 9 FRAA, 12 WARP3, 150 RC, 8.68 RC/27, Gold Glove
Hernandez (1979): 610 AB, 116 Runs, 210 Hits, 48 2Bs, 11 3Bs, 11 HR, 105 RBI, 80 BB, 78 Ks, .344 BA, .417 OBP, .513 SLG, .930 OPS, 151 OPS+, .324 EqA, 21 FRAA, 11.4 WARP3, 135 RC, 8.66 RC/27, Gold Glove (1st of 11 in a row)
Geez, these guys are so similar it's almost scary. It is important to me that these stats remain unfrightening, especially since Don Mattingly could still get voted into the Hall of Fame.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Insanity
Okay, since this stuff was way too ridiculous and needs to be posted for posterity, I'll just copy and paste these e-mails. A lot of this will sound like incoherent, stream of consciousness type stuff. I can be the James Joyce of bloggers! Chrysostomos! Anyway, I took out everyone's names except for my own. Enjoy:
On 12/14/07, --------< --------->wrote: I think the most important thing to come out of this report is that we finally know how Randy Velarde made that unassisted triple play. Thoughts?
-----Original Message-----From: ------- <----------->To: ---------- <---------->Cc: noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.comSent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:08 am
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
We saw that play live! I'm having a long conversation with my brothers about this. To sum up my feelings briefly: None of this should surprise or really disappoint anyone. (I'm mildly disappointed to see Matt Franco's name on the list--he was our favorite player on the late '90s Mets teams.) I also don't think any info in here should factor into MVPs, Cy Youngs, HoF votes, etc.--the widespread availability of 'roids made it pretty much a level playing field over the past decade. Although I will admit to some serious schadenfreude upon seeing nine (9!) pages devoted to the attempted murderer Clemens.
On 12/14/07, Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com> wrote:
Yeah, Matt Franco was our neighbor, so I'm a little upset to see him here too.I direct you to July 10th, 1999, when in a game started by none-other than maniacal juicer Andy Pettitte, Matt Franco ended a game against Mariano Rivera, with a walk-off single in the 9th inning. I'm also upset to see the formerly squeaky-clean Josias Manzanillo in the report. If anyone can sum up the Mets history of lying and cheating it's the formerly squeaky-clean Josias Manzanillo. Time to throw away all my Josias Manzanillo jerseys, including the home pinstripe, home white, alternate black, and away gray jerseys. Also the two starting lineup figures I have of him, the one where he's wearing his pitcher's jacket while leading off of first, and the other of his staredown as he looks in for the sign. Time to take down my life-size Fathead(TM) wall-decoration of Josias Manzanillo, and to destroy his bobble-head. I remember Josias Manzanillo Bobble Head Day at Shea. Ahh the memories. Josias, you have stolen my innocence, popped my proverbial cherry. I don't know about any of you, but his betrayal will tarnish my enjoyment of baseball forever.
From:--------- [mailto:---------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 10:22 AMTo: ----------- Cc: Schmutter, Noah
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
As I said to you last year about Bonds, McGwire, and the Hall of Fame, I think the players from this steroid era should go into the Hall if they have the numbers for it. No asterisks or other symblos should go along with them. It will be pretty obvious as the years pass that the late 90's to the mid-aughts was the "steroid era", just like the '80's were the "dead-ball era". And all statistics will be measured with that in mind. That being said, I gotta say that I'm more surprised at the names that DIDN'T appear in the report.... Where was A-Rod? Frank Thomas? Brady Anderson? Luis Gonzalez? Nick Punto!!! To name a few.Also, where were the Red Sox players?Also, did you know the Blue-Jays signed Eckstein to a 1-year deal? And it actually IMPROVED their offensive production at that position? I really don't know which story is more amazing.
On 12/14/07, Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com> wrote: Interestingly, I noticed that among all players, Nick Punto was dead last (1,018th) in VORP last year at -27.1. Good thing they signed a power hitting shortstop to join him in the lineup. Oh no, wait, they signed Adam Everett, who at least was 961st in the league with a - 7.0 VORP. Meanwhile, John McDonald clocks in at 973rd in the league with a -7.8 VORP. However, McDonald (obviously) dominates Eckstein in Fielding Runs Above Average 40 to -10
-----Original Message-----
From: ----------To: noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com; ---------Sent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:40 am
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Damn you Schmutter!! I didn't realize Pettite's full name was "Manical juicer Andy Pettite", while the illustrious Matt Franco's full name wasn't even Matthew Franco. (or maybe it's Matisyahu Franco).
Anyways, F.P. Santangelo!?!? I mean really? He's got one of my most favorite baseball names with initials as a first name. (Other favorites include: U.L. Washington, R.J. Reynolds, C.C. Sabathia, J.J. Hardy, and J.C. Romero). Now his name is tarnished forever. Congradulations to U.L. Washington who now tops this illutrious list.
The King is Dead. Long Live the King.
From: ------- [----------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 10:51 AM To: Schmutter, Noah
Cc: ----------
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Two quick unrelated notes:(1) None of the doubly initialed ballplayers mentioned above has as great a name as R.W. McQuarters. Just roll that around in your mouth a bit--it feels great.(2) My father could never remember Josias Manzanillo's first name, so in our house, we always called him Manzy Manzanillo. I still laugh whenever I see that. VORP does not include fielding, right? Because McDonald was supposed to be a pretty good fielder, I think. I'm too lazy to do the research--I'll just wait for it to show up on Tanblog. I'm actually surprised that Xtein could only get a 1-year deal--does that mean baseball GMs are getting smarter?
-----Original Message-----From: Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com>To: ------ <--------->Cc: ---------Sent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:56 am
Subject: RE: Mitchell Report
You really don't think F.P. Santangelo is a better name than R.W. McQuarters. I think it's a lot closer than you think it is. Also, I find it very hard to believe that R.W. is actually shorter than his first name. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up. Okay, R.W. is exactly the same amount of syllables as Robert William. There is absolutely no point in shortening his name. None. No point in shortening Frank-Paul to F.P. but that's neither here nor there. The point is, no one's nickname should be Nook, even if he took steroids. No one will respect you with a name like that.
From:---------- [----------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 11:01 AMTo:---------; Schmutter, Noah
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Believe you me, I know RW McQuarters (or as we Giants fans call him Runny Waters McQuarters). But I was limiting myself to baseball peeps.Gritstein Von Hustlehoff is gonna make some serious bank for that 1-year deal. I have to imagine that the Jays could do a helluva lot more with that $4MM. And to think that it's the Jays and GM J.P. Ricciardi (another initialized first name) who should know better given his references in Moneyball.
-----Original Message-----
From: Schmutter, NoahTo: -----------; -----------Sent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:12 am
Subject: RE: Mitchell Report
Yeah, there's no way that was a Ricciardi move. That one definitely came from higher up, sort of a "John Paul! I want that Eck-man! Get that company laptop out of your pants and call his agent!" J.P isn't shortening John Paul either. What's the deal?! I think if you want to have a nickname or initials, it better be shorter than your actual name. Man law?
On 12/14/07, --------< --------->wrote:
I assume you mean "shorter" in the syllables department. But regardless, no way on that Man-law. R.W. needs to stick around, and Jean-Paul just sounds fruity.. JP Losman sounds bad enough as it is. I also love that Keith Law's nick-name is K-Law, or even sometimes Klaw(tm).
I neeeeeeed to get out more.
On 12/14/07, --------< --------->wrote: I think the most important thing to come out of this report is that we finally know how Randy Velarde made that unassisted triple play. Thoughts?
-----Original Message-----From: ------- <----------->To: ---------- <---------->Cc: noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.comSent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:08 am
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
We saw that play live! I'm having a long conversation with my brothers about this. To sum up my feelings briefly: None of this should surprise or really disappoint anyone. (I'm mildly disappointed to see Matt Franco's name on the list--he was our favorite player on the late '90s Mets teams.) I also don't think any info in here should factor into MVPs, Cy Youngs, HoF votes, etc.--the widespread availability of 'roids made it pretty much a level playing field over the past decade. Although I will admit to some serious schadenfreude upon seeing nine (9!) pages devoted to the attempted murderer Clemens.
On 12/14/07, Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com> wrote:
Yeah, Matt Franco was our neighbor, so I'm a little upset to see him here too.I direct you to July 10th, 1999, when in a game started by none-other than maniacal juicer Andy Pettitte, Matt Franco ended a game against Mariano Rivera, with a walk-off single in the 9th inning. I'm also upset to see the formerly squeaky-clean Josias Manzanillo in the report. If anyone can sum up the Mets history of lying and cheating it's the formerly squeaky-clean Josias Manzanillo. Time to throw away all my Josias Manzanillo jerseys, including the home pinstripe, home white, alternate black, and away gray jerseys. Also the two starting lineup figures I have of him, the one where he's wearing his pitcher's jacket while leading off of first, and the other of his staredown as he looks in for the sign. Time to take down my life-size Fathead(TM) wall-decoration of Josias Manzanillo, and to destroy his bobble-head. I remember Josias Manzanillo Bobble Head Day at Shea. Ahh the memories. Josias, you have stolen my innocence, popped my proverbial cherry. I don't know about any of you, but his betrayal will tarnish my enjoyment of baseball forever.
From:--------- [mailto:---------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 10:22 AMTo: ----------- Cc: Schmutter, Noah
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
As I said to you last year about Bonds, McGwire, and the Hall of Fame, I think the players from this steroid era should go into the Hall if they have the numbers for it. No asterisks or other symblos should go along with them. It will be pretty obvious as the years pass that the late 90's to the mid-aughts was the "steroid era", just like the '80's were the "dead-ball era". And all statistics will be measured with that in mind. That being said, I gotta say that I'm more surprised at the names that DIDN'T appear in the report.... Where was A-Rod? Frank Thomas? Brady Anderson? Luis Gonzalez? Nick Punto!!! To name a few.Also, where were the Red Sox players?Also, did you know the Blue-Jays signed Eckstein to a 1-year deal? And it actually IMPROVED their offensive production at that position? I really don't know which story is more amazing.
On 12/14/07, Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com> wrote: Interestingly, I noticed that among all players, Nick Punto was dead last (1,018th) in VORP last year at -27.1. Good thing they signed a power hitting shortstop to join him in the lineup. Oh no, wait, they signed Adam Everett, who at least was 961st in the league with a - 7.0 VORP. Meanwhile, John McDonald clocks in at 973rd in the league with a -7.8 VORP. However, McDonald (obviously) dominates Eckstein in Fielding Runs Above Average 40 to -10
-----Original Message-----
From: ----------To: noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com; ---------Sent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:40 am
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Damn you Schmutter!! I didn't realize Pettite's full name was "Manical juicer Andy Pettite", while the illustrious Matt Franco's full name wasn't even Matthew Franco. (or maybe it's Matisyahu Franco).
Anyways, F.P. Santangelo!?!? I mean really? He's got one of my most favorite baseball names with initials as a first name. (Other favorites include: U.L. Washington, R.J. Reynolds, C.C. Sabathia, J.J. Hardy, and J.C. Romero). Now his name is tarnished forever. Congradulations to U.L. Washington who now tops this illutrious list.
The King is Dead. Long Live the King.
From: ------- [----------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 10:51 AM To: Schmutter, Noah
Cc: ----------
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Two quick unrelated notes:(1) None of the doubly initialed ballplayers mentioned above has as great a name as R.W. McQuarters. Just roll that around in your mouth a bit--it feels great.(2) My father could never remember Josias Manzanillo's first name, so in our house, we always called him Manzy Manzanillo. I still laugh whenever I see that. VORP does not include fielding, right? Because McDonald was supposed to be a pretty good fielder, I think. I'm too lazy to do the research--I'll just wait for it to show up on Tanblog. I'm actually surprised that Xtein could only get a 1-year deal--does that mean baseball GMs are getting smarter?
-----Original Message-----From: Schmutter, Noah <mailto:noah.schmutter@bankofamerica.com>To: ------ <--------->Cc: ---------Sent: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:56 am
Subject: RE: Mitchell Report
You really don't think F.P. Santangelo is a better name than R.W. McQuarters. I think it's a lot closer than you think it is. Also, I find it very hard to believe that R.W. is actually shorter than his first name. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up. Okay, R.W. is exactly the same amount of syllables as Robert William. There is absolutely no point in shortening his name. None. No point in shortening Frank-Paul to F.P. but that's neither here nor there. The point is, no one's nickname should be Nook, even if he took steroids. No one will respect you with a name like that.
From:---------- [----------] Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 11:01 AMTo:---------; Schmutter, Noah
Subject: Re: Mitchell Report
Believe you me, I know RW McQuarters (or as we Giants fans call him Runny Waters McQuarters). But I was limiting myself to baseball peeps.Gritstein Von Hustlehoff is gonna make some serious bank for that 1-year deal. I have to imagine that the Jays could do a helluva lot more with that $4MM. And to think that it's the Jays and GM J.P. Ricciardi (another initialized first name) who should know better given his references in Moneyball.
-----Original Message-----
From: Schmutter, Noah
Subject: RE: Mitchell Report
Yeah, there's no way that was a Ricciardi move. That one definitely came from higher up, sort of a "John Paul! I want that Eck-man! Get that company laptop out of your pants and call his agent!" J.P isn't shortening John Paul either. What's the deal?! I think if you want to have a nickname or initials, it better be shorter than your actual name. Man law?
On 12/14/07, --------< --------->wrote:
I assume you mean "shorter" in the syllables department. But regardless, no way on that Man-law. R.W. needs to stick around, and Jean-Paul just sounds fruity.. JP Losman sounds bad enough as it is. I also love that Keith Law's nick-name is K-Law, or even sometimes Klaw(tm).
I neeeeeeed to get out more.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Kosher Lunch, A Bargain!
Last Friday, I went to Milk and Honey to grab a slice of pizza or two for lunch. Friday is easy because a lot of people don't take lunch, so I rarely see anyone I know, az there are no distractions. At MnH they have this deal where you get a free canned drink with your purchase of two slices of pizza. Az there I am with my slices and my soda and I notice the nice Asian girl at the register ringing me up for the soda! Now I'm thinking maybe she was trying to Jew me out of $1.25; maybe her instructions are to ring people up for the soda unless they say they're invoking the rules of the deal. So I said "don't I get the soda for free?" And here's the rub; she responds "We don't have that deal anymore. Didn't you notice we lowered our prices? Each slice of pizza is only $3." I was sooooo tempted to say "Only $3 for a slice of pizza?! What a bargain!" but I'm not that guy. Remember when we were in Israel for the year, and you got a slice of pizza at Pizza Rami for only five NIS? That came out to like a buck and a quarter. Now I'm paying 280% of that. What has the world come to?
At work I listen to ESPN radio all day. I've begun to memorize a lot of the commercials I hear (if I hear the Colin Cowherd Vizio commercial one more time... "a 1080P LCD under 1700! They are the HDTV of you the people! Vizio is available at Circuit City! Sears, Costco, Sam's Club, BJ's! And Walmart). Recently, they've started airing a new commercial, which I found highly entertaining, mostly because the woman's voice is so funny. I haven't the foggiest idea what the commercial is about, but it sounds like a guy is trying to figure out what to get his wife for Christmas. Apparently, the wife is the out-doorsy type, and the husband keeps saying things like "Isn't there anything you need?" And she replies "You're all I need! Unless I go camping, in which case I'll need a three-season tent." And then he says "At least let me make you something." And she says "Really you could just make me a card, and put it in a kayak!" For some reason I think that last line is hilarious. Maybe I'm weird. No wait; I'm definitely weird, but is that why I find that funny?
I just want to put in a quick word about the Mitchell investigation, which is supposed to reveal its findings at 2 pm EST today. I have a funny feeling that today is going to be a very bad day for Major League Baseball. A report came out that four current Yankees will be mentioned in the report. I imagine two of them are Jason Giambi and Roger Clemens, but I have no idea about the other two. Wouldn't it be incredible if one of them were Derek Jeter? That would really make my day. I hope all the other ones are bad men that people (read: I) don't like anyway, like Barry Bonds, and Jimmy Rollins (MVP? Hah!), and Albert Pujols. I would hate for it to be players that everyone loves and respects, like David Wright, Jim Thome, Frank Thomas, Ken Griffey Jr., etc., although in my heart of hearts I know it won't work out that way. I hope baseball can recover. Last time it took steroids to make everyone forget about the strike-shortened 1994 season. I don't know what it will take this time, but they better pull through.
At work I listen to ESPN radio all day. I've begun to memorize a lot of the commercials I hear (if I hear the Colin Cowherd Vizio commercial one more time... "a 1080P LCD under 1700! They are the HDTV of you the people! Vizio is available at Circuit City! Sears, Costco, Sam's Club, BJ's! And Walmart). Recently, they've started airing a new commercial, which I found highly entertaining, mostly because the woman's voice is so funny. I haven't the foggiest idea what the commercial is about, but it sounds like a guy is trying to figure out what to get his wife for Christmas. Apparently, the wife is the out-doorsy type, and the husband keeps saying things like "Isn't there anything you need?" And she replies "You're all I need! Unless I go camping, in which case I'll need a three-season tent." And then he says "At least let me make you something." And she says "Really you could just make me a card, and put it in a kayak!" For some reason I think that last line is hilarious. Maybe I'm weird. No wait; I'm definitely weird, but is that why I find that funny?
I just want to put in a quick word about the Mitchell investigation, which is supposed to reveal its findings at 2 pm EST today. I have a funny feeling that today is going to be a very bad day for Major League Baseball. A report came out that four current Yankees will be mentioned in the report. I imagine two of them are Jason Giambi and Roger Clemens, but I have no idea about the other two. Wouldn't it be incredible if one of them were Derek Jeter? That would really make my day. I hope all the other ones are bad men that people (read: I) don't like anyway, like Barry Bonds, and Jimmy Rollins (MVP? Hah!), and Albert Pujols. I would hate for it to be players that everyone loves and respects, like David Wright, Jim Thome, Frank Thomas, Ken Griffey Jr., etc., although in my heart of hearts I know it won't work out that way. I hope baseball can recover. Last time it took steroids to make everyone forget about the strike-shortened 1994 season. I don't know what it will take this time, but they better pull through.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Hawaiian Tropic Zone
So it's 25 degrees outside (including wind-chill), and I just got back to my office from lunch. I'm walking on 7th avenue and as I'm crossing 49th street, I see a bar and grill called "Hawaiian Tropic Zone." Great, it's New York, it's a bar/lounge, wonderful. I'm glancing through the window and I notice several young women wearing bikinis. Apparently, people will be attracted to a place that pretends that we're at the beach on a sunny 85 degree day (or maybe they're just attracted to a place that has several young women wearing bikinis). Whatever. I just found that noteworthy.
Meanwhile, there are about a million cars trying to wind their way through the streets of New York. This is something I just don't understand. I go out for lunch every day, and every day there's ridiculous traffic on 6th avenue and on all the side streets. And I don't mean just trucks making deliveries; I mean taxi-cabs and civilian cars. What the heck are all the cars doing here? Trucks, I understand; they have to make deliveries. But why on earth would someone be in a car in midtown? Where are they going? From where are they coming? And it's not like there's traffic some days and not on other days; there is traffic EVERY SINGLE DAY. These people obviously know that it's going to take them at least an hour to get through midtown; why don't they just take the subway?! It would be soooo much faster, and there are comparatively few people taking the subway at this hour. If someone could explain this to me, I will know a tiny drop more that I do already (which is a substantial amount. This explanation would barely increase my knowledge, percentage-wise).
Meanwhile, there are about a million cars trying to wind their way through the streets of New York. This is something I just don't understand. I go out for lunch every day, and every day there's ridiculous traffic on 6th avenue and on all the side streets. And I don't mean just trucks making deliveries; I mean taxi-cabs and civilian cars. What the heck are all the cars doing here? Trucks, I understand; they have to make deliveries. But why on earth would someone be in a car in midtown? Where are they going? From where are they coming? And it's not like there's traffic some days and not on other days; there is traffic EVERY SINGLE DAY. These people obviously know that it's going to take them at least an hour to get through midtown; why don't they just take the subway?! It would be soooo much faster, and there are comparatively few people taking the subway at this hour. If someone could explain this to me, I will know a tiny drop more that I do already (which is a substantial amount. This explanation would barely increase my knowledge, percentage-wise).
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