Ah, The Holidays

What's the most important holiday among Christians, Catholics, and Protestants? Is it Christmas? I dunno. I guess since there are two Federal holidays this time of year (Christmas and New Years), we call this time "the holidays." Aren't we Jews pompous? Oh sure, the rest of the world can have "the holidays," but in September and October we have "the high holidays." This is neither here nor there; it just came to me when I was about to start typing. Now we'll return to our regularly scheduled absurdity.

Let's add this one on to my ever-growin' list of driving pet-peeves. Let's say you're double-parked because you went in to the bodega to get a soda, or you're picking up/dropping off a friend. Here's what you're not allowed to do: don't just start driving if there is moving traffic; only start driving once there is a red light and cars are not moving. Here's an example that I hope will demonstrate my point. Let's say I'm driving uptown on a one-way street, let's say Amsterdam Avenue. Now let's say I want to make a right turn onto 81st Street. If you're double-parked on the east side of the street close to the end of the block, I will have to make my right turn from the second lane. If you're all of a sudden gonna start driving after being double-parked, I have no idea what to do! Are you gonna turn also? Are you gonna let me by so I can turn? Are you gonna speed up and get ahead of me and go straight so I have to jam on the breaks to prevent a collision? Next time, start driving when it's a red light so nobody will have to deal with your unpredictability. Seriously, drivers need to have more consideration for their fellow travelers. The roads are dangerous enough without your selfishness and disregard for others. It's very possible that I expect too much from other drivers, but I think it's much more likely that most people just don't care.

I was just typing my friend an e-mail, and I was saying how each time I go to Cafe K for lunch I get the same exact panini; I get the square panini bread with pesto sauce, mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and basil. However, I always get charged a different amount; I've been charged as little as $4.50 and as much as $9.25 for the same food. Then I said that it might be a function of who is manning the cash register. That got me thinking. I'm using the word "manning" as a verb. The infinitive form of the word would be "to man." I will now look up the word "man" and look at the verb listing. Okay, done. Here's the one I'm looking for (from dictionary.com):

tr.v. manned, man·ning, mans
2. To take stations at, as to defend or operate: manned the guns.

Then there's a big gray box in which dictionary.com goes through a whole explanation of the word "man" as a general term for humankind. I won't go through that whole thing. The point is, I think I'm gonna start using the word "woman" as a verb, you know like "...and then she started crying! I can't believe she womanned me like that!" or "Uh oh! Our seven person meal just turned into a 19 person meal! Woman the kitchen!" This might get me into deep doodoo.

Anyway, I'm listening to the radio today, and from 1:00 to 2:00 every weekday, 1050 ESPN Radio broadcasts one hour of the Mike Tirico Show. Since every big radio host gets to go on vacation, they have all the understudies doing the shows today, az filling in for Mike Tirico today is Erik Kuselias (whenever he introduces himself it sounds like he's saying Eric Asillius, az that's how it's pronounced in case you were curious). He fills in on the radio a lot, usually for one of the Mike's on Mike & Mike in the Morning (curiously, neither of those Mike's is Tirico), az I've heard him enough times to be used to him. I don't find him that great; I think he's a bit arrogant, but he can be entertaining at times. He had an interesting segment today in which he listed the top-five awkward holiday moments. I though they were pretty clever, az I'll go ahead and list them here:

1. You get a really bad gift in person and you have to pretend you like it.
2. Someone at the company/family holiday party has too much to drink and either makes a fool out of himself by being overly friendly with you ("I love you maaan"), or finally lets out his anger and gets violent.
3. You give your significant other a gift, and someone else gives him/her a similar gift of greater value. (Caution!!!! Hypothetical scenario!!!! I repeat! Hypothetical!!!!) Like if I get my girlfriend an ipod shuffle, and her co-worker gets her an iphone.
4. You go to your significant other's house for dinner and his/her parents make your relationship a lot more serious than it is by asking you important questions about your future.
5. You and your significant other exchange gifts that are on completely different levels. Like if I were to give my (again hypothetical) girlfriend a new toothbrush, and she gets me a platinum watch.

I just thought some of those were interesting. Hope you enjoyed today's post. Happy painting, and G-d bless, my friends.