Friday, May 18, 2007

Slooooooww

Az I decided to wait until I was moderately competent using my Dvorak keyboard before I wrote my next post, az here I am, four days later. It's been pretty rough, but I can definitely tell that I'm making progress. I better be because I went home for dinner tonight, and when I used my mom's computer, I had trouble typing QWERTY. Various websites I've seen say that it takes around a month to become proficient, az I'm being patient. Az I'm asking y'all to be patient as well during my learning process; I should be back up to speed in a couple of weeks. They also advise that you should switch cold turkey. Another words, since I started using Dvorak I shouldn't type in QWERTY at all, if possible. Here's a coupla pros and cons I've noticed:
Pros: 1. Lots of action on the home (middle) row. You can type a ton of words using only those letters: a o e u i d h t n s.
2. The M and A keys are in the same places as they are on the QWERTY keyboard, az that assuages the learning process.
Cons: 1. The S button is where the ";" key used to be, az it's hard to go from rarely using your right pinky to using it all the time.
2. Microsoft shortcuts are harder to use, like ctrl-c and ctrl-v for "copy" and "paste."
Mmkay, we'll see how I'm doing by next post.

I was so pleased with one of my students this week. She's really not too good at math, az when she told me that a triangle with sides of length six, eight, and ten was a right triangle because six, eight, and ten form a Pythagorean triple, I was immensely gratified. A Pythagorean triple is a set of three natural numbers, which satisfies the Pythagorean Theorem: (a^2) + (b^2) = c^2. In case anyone is curious, one way to produce a Pythagorean triple is by choosing any two different natural numbers p and q, and performing these operations on them: (p^2) - (q^2), 2pq, (p^2) + (q^2). For example, for p = 5 and q = 3: (5^2) - (3^2) = 16, 2(5)(3) = 30, and (5^2) + (3^2) = 34, forming the triple 16, 30, 34, or 8, 15, 17 reduced. A few more triples are these: (3, 4, 5), (5, 12, 13), (10, 24, 25), (20, 21, 29), (9, 40, 41). Feel free to go ahead and produce some of your own.

BTW, I also learned how to solve a 5 x 5 x 5 Rubik's Cube this week. If anyone wants a demonstration, let me know. As of now it takes me about 15 minutes to solve.
Okay, that's enough typing for now. I don't want to get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Bleu-Tooth

Tonight I went back to the ol' Alma Mater for a graduation party. It's sad, it was really the last time I could go there because the rest of the people I really know well are graduating. Ah, good times. Anyway, I'm on the way over there and I park my car on Amsterdam between 115th and 116th, and I'm walking over to the Wien Gate and I notice this very fancy bus stop on the northeast corner of 116th and Amsterdam. Az I walk over there and all of a sudden my phone starts to go nuts. I check it out, and apparently it's picking up a bluetooth signal from nearby. I look at the poster on the bus stop and it says that if your phone is set to pick up a signal, it can download data from Pepsi. Az I told my phone it was okay to download the data, and it turned out to be this weird video. I watched it once and then deleted it, but it was still pretty cool. Looks like Mikey B is trying to revamp the transportation system. See my last post for other bus stop nonsense.

Anyway, I get to the party and I'm chillin' out there for a while. I rocked a game of Beirut; yeah, I really showed those college kids how it's done. It wasn't really my crowd, lots of strange non-frummies, az I left at about 12:30. While I'm picking up my driver's license from the guard in the lobby of EC, I bump into two upstanding members of the Columbia community, both former Yavneh board members in fact. One of them said something like, "it's comforting to see Noah Schmutter at Columbia." Now I dunno exactly what he meant by that, but it really made me feel good. I guess he meant that I was a stable presence during his formative college years, and seeing me there gave him that sense of normalcy in which he found comfort during that time. I completely understand what he was talking about. I'll give you an example. I worked over the summer between my junior and senior years of college at an insurance company in Jersey City. Since there was no kosher food near my office, I often found myself PATHing it back to Manhattan for lunch. Speaking of which, I dunno if this still happens in the Path train, but when I was taking it every day there was always this commercial type deal going on in the tunnel under the Hudson River, sorta like one of those flip books that makes it look like the pictures are moving. I never understood whether the commercial was actually painted/drawn onto the wall of the tunnel or if it was projected from a camera on the train. Never could figure it out. Anyway, the point is, I used to go to the Broadway Cafe a lot to get pizza, and for some reason I enjoyed the pleasant bubbling of the water draining when I went to wash netilat yadayim. It became my favorite sink. Even to this day, whenever I'm interviewing down in the financial district and I go to the Broadway Cafe for lunch, I smile a little when I go over to the sink to wash. I still feel that sense of normalcy, like everything, for a very short while, is the way it's supposed to be.

Last post, I ended with a seemingly innocuous line, "P.S. this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated." Now, it was highly callous of me to toss that line in there without telling you whose line it is. Anyone who's hung out with me over the past couple of months can probably guess that it's a Mitch Hedberg original. Before I move on, I just want everyone to observe a moment of silence for our fallen hero.




Thanks. Anyway, I hope to insert some of his brilliance in here from time to time. I thank you for your indulgence in advance.

I was listening to the radio today on the way to tutoring, but instead of listening to the Michael Kay Show, I put on the Mike and the Mad Dog Program because Michael was still announcing the Yankee game, az Steve Phillips was filling in for him. As much as I love Steve Phillips, I don't think he knows anything about baseball. Actually, let me rephrase that. If one were to adhere to his philosophy on baseball, one would think he was a genius. I believe, however, that his outlook on the game is inherently flawed, az I can't really handle him. Anyway, I usually listen to Michael Kay anyway, because at the very least, he's quite entertaining. Plus, the ESPN Go Patrol girl, Christina Stoffo, who does the traffic during Michael's show is so hot. Yes, her radio voice is hot, but she herself is also hot. I once heard a guy call in to the show to ask Michael about Christina's measurements. That's a little bizarro, but still. Ehenyway, I'm listening to Mike and the Mad Dog, and a Mets fan calls in to ask about the Yankee pitching rotation. They get into a discussion about which staff is better, the Mets's or the Yankees's, and those freakin' morons don't even entertain the idea that the Mets staff is any good. Seriously, the Yankees have had one pitcher pitch into the 8th inning, and they're scoffing at the idea that the Mets's staff even approaches the talent of the Yanks's. The caller couldn't stop raving about John Maine, but M & the MD could only talk about Andy Pettitte and his body of work. They asked the caller who he would rather have pitch for his team this year, Andy or Johnny. Now when it comes to stats and fantasy baseball, there's no one who's less partisan to his team than I am. Seriously, among my three teams, I only have one Met, and that's John Maine. But still! This year, I'd rather have John Maine on my team than Andy Pettitte. Let's look at the stats:
(BABIP = batting average on ball in play, WHIP = walks + hits per inning pitched, BB/9 = walks ber nine innings, K/9 = strikeouts per nine innings, VORP = value over replacement player in terms of runs, WARP3 = wins above replacement player taking stadium into account.)

Andy Pettitte: 2005: 17 - 9, .272 BABIP, 1.03 WHIP, 2.39 ERA, 1.5 BB/9, 6.4 K/9, 72.1 VORP, 9.9 WARP3.
2006: 14 - 13, .333 BABIP, 1.44 WHIP, 4.20 ERA, 2.6 BB/9, 6.8 K/9, 30.3 VORP, 6.1 WARP3.
2007: (Some stats not yet available. Thanks baseballprospectus.com) 2 - 1, 1.42 WHIP, 2.72 ERA, 4.0 BB/9, 5.7 K/9.

John Maine: 2006: (In merely 90 IP) 6 - 5, .225 BABIP, 1.13 WHIP, 3.60 ERA, 2.9 BB/9, 6.5 K/9, 19.3 VORP, 3.0 WARP3.
2007: 5 - 0, 1.17 WHIP, 1.79 ERA, 4.8 BB/9, 8.14 K/9.

The point of these statistics is to show that even though Andy Pettitte has been outstanding in the past, his best days are behind him; he's on the long side of 30 years old. Meanwhile, Johnny Maine has his best days ahead of him, and it's extremely hard to tell who will prove to be a better pitcher this season. It seems that Andy Pettitte's 2005 numbers were a fluke. His BABIP was low, which means he was getting lucky. Regardless of the fact that Maine's 2006 BABIP was ridiculously low, it seems likely that Pettitte's BABIP will return to normal this year. His BABIP last year was a bit high, but it appears to be closer to his career average than his number from '05. It also appears that Pettitte's BB/9 should return to the mid twos, and thus afford the opposing team at least one more baserunner per game. That should add at least half a run to his ERA from '05.
Whatever. What I'm trying to convey is that even though Andy Pettitte has been a terrific pitcher throughout his career, it's very difficult to say that Pettitte will definitely have a better year this year than John Maine. I couldn't handle the fact that Mike and the Mad Dog would so easily reject the caller's assertion that Maine would have a superior year. I wanted to call in to share my thoughts, but it's so tough to get through to WFAN in the middle of the day, az on the way back from the party tonight I called in to Steve Somers's show. As luck would have it, they answered my call right away, and two callers later, there I am talking to Steve live on the radio. Now I love Steve Somers's program, especially when he says things like "It's 10:35 and 40 seconds and we're here for a quick thursday night schmooze. Steve Somers here and of course, you there." Az I'm talking to Steve and I share my thoughts about what Mike and the Mad Dog said, and how I feel about John Maine. Steve obviously didn't want to blatantly disagree with his co-workers, but at least he stated plainly that John Maine has looked good so far, and there's no reason to think that he should get much worse as the year goes on. Az that was pretty cool that I got to talk to Steve on the radio. Okay, enough babbling for one night. Thanks for reading, ya'll, it's been a busy week.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Splitting the Uprights

After my interview today, I met up with my buddy for lunch. He offered to drive us to Brooklyn, az I met him by his apartment and we got into the car. He's driving down Broadway and the first thing we notice is that they are building these bus stop islands down there. Seriously, they're building extra sidewalk in the right lane. Now to me that seems really stupid, because instead of the people waiting for the bus blocking the sidewalk, they're now blocking THE ENTIRE RIGHT LANE. Honestly, when was the last time you had to actually stop on the sidewalk and wait until a bus came so that you could continue walking? I figured there must be some rationale, az I called one of my roommates to ask him about it. He's totally the guy that would know exactly the reason. He said, and I quote, "they're idiots." Wonderful.

Anywho, we're about to make a left onto the Brooklyn Bridge when the bus in front of us just stops. My friend gets out of the car to check out what's going on, and apparently, there was a firetruck blocking the entire lane, az the bus couldn't go anywhere. Az we're waiting around, and finally the bus pulls up a little bit to let other cars by, but there still was barely enough room. I mean the bus driver was clearly a moron, because he had tons of room to move forward, but I guess the head bus dude wouldn't let him. I dunno. Anyway, I get out of the car and help my friend steer his massive Cadillac Escalade through the gap, which was about 2 inches wider than his car. His front left tire actually grazed the wall, and he had to pull in his mirrors to get by on the passenger side. It was awesome teamwork; you had to be there.

On the way back from lunch I got a call from my friend's aunt. She got me set up to do some kind of survey for an hour and a half, which will pay me $75. To prove that I'm articulate, she had to ask me about my favorite commercial. I told her I'd think of one and get back to her, but when I spoke to her today, she said that I took too long and she was forced to choose one for me. Lo and behold, she chose my least favorite line of commercials; she chose the Geico/caveman commercials. ARGH!!!!! I freakin' hate those commercials. I don't think they're funny at all! The ones I really like are the Staples/easy button commercials. I particularly like two of them. I'm having trouble finding transcripts of them online, but I'll try my best to give y'all the highlights. The first one I like is the one with the paper jam. It's not on TV anymore, but maybe some of you remember it:
Dude 1: "A paper jam? Get Pam, get Pam!"
Woman 1: "I am, I am."
Dude 1: "We always get slammed with these paper jams."
Dude 2: "Just give it a good wham!"
Woman 1: "I couldn't find Pam so I got Graham,"
etc.
The other one I like has an office worker who lost her easy button, az she asks a co-worker if she can borrow his. Hilarity ensues:
Guy A: "You want to use my easy button to find your easy button? Won't that like, tear a hole in the universe?"
Gal A: "Come on. What's the worst thing that'll happen?"
Guy A: "That's the worst thing that'll happen."
Seriously, the highest of high comedy.
Okay, time to shut my face.

P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

More Things that Shouldn't Be Allowed

'Member my second or third post? About things that shouldn't be allowed, like closing the lower level of the George Washington Bridge, and closing two lanes on the upper level at the same time? And then closing 178th Street between Broadway and Fort Washington Avenue? Yeah, well, what happened today was a thousand times more ridiculous. I'm driving home to the East Side from Washington Heights, which I only did because the guys on the softball team needed a ride back, otherwise I would have just driven straight to the East Side from Central Park. Anyway, at about 142nd Street on the Harlem River Drive, traffic just stops. Az I check the radio, and I hear that there's some foolish bicycle marathon, which is closing the Drive from the Triboro Bridge down to 59th Street. Okay, I understand; it's May, the weather is pretty nice, have special things going on in the city. But don't close the Drive at the same time that 5th Avenue is closed for the Salute to Israel Parade. Seriously, here's how I went home. I got off the Drive at 142nd Street and 5th Avenue, made a right onto 142nd Street, made a right onto Chisum Street, and then a left onto 143rd. Then I made a left onto Malcolm X Boulevard, and then a right onto 141st Street. Then I made a left onto Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Boulevard and took that south until 110th Street. Now everyone's trying to get to the East Side, az I figured I'd be smart and go down Columbus Avenue, az I made a right onto 110th and then a left onto Columbus, which I took down to 81st Street to cross the park. Az I get down to Central Park West, and now the transverse is closed because of the parade, az I make a left to go up to 86th Street. I figure since the parade ends at around 80th Street, 86th should be safe. Famous last words, right? 86th Street was closed too, az I yelled at the police officer, and made my way up to 96th Street. Once I got through the park I was pretty safe, and at this point I was happy just to make it home on the gas I had. That gas should have gotten me to Jersey, but it just barely got me home. Ah well. Yay, Israel! Down with bikers!

Friday, May 04, 2007

How It's Done

Now, tonight I watched Grey's Anatomy. How I got into the show in the first place is not the issue we're discussing right now, az just let it lie. Anyway, at one point during the second half of tonight's unimpressive two hour event, Dr. Addison Montgomery (Shepherd) is crying in the stairwell because she has recently learned that she is no longer fertile enough to have a baby. In an effort to console her, the dude from Wings says something very close to "I'm going to kiss you now; I'm going to use tongue." And then he goes ahead and does just that. At that point I thought to myself (and out loud), "is that how it works? That's all you have to do?" Clearly the specifics would be different, but what if I went up to a religious girl and said, "I'm taking you out for dinner; I'm going to buy you a steak." Would that work? It's not really a request; it's more of a statement of intent. Seriously, the next time I ask out a girl (riiiiiiiiiight....), I'm gonna do just that. Oh, and I'm definitely gonna use that new line I learned from Pretty Woman: "In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight." I'm a shoe-in for at least a second date, or at least a second slap in the face.

Az that was a pretty sorry excuse for my first post in two weeks, but I've been busy! I've been interviewing a lot, and I figured out how to spend my time more effectively. a) I'm trying to set up a chavrusa with my roommate. I decided to learn Nazir because it has the only page in the entire Vilna Talmud set that has zero Gemara text; it only has Tosafot. Seriously, check it out, Daf 33b. b) I'm consolidating my reading list. I made a list of all the authors and books I'm going to read for the next 30 years. Seriously, there's gonna be like 400 books on it. Who knew there was so much fantasy out there? And c) I decided that being able to type 100 wpm just isn't enough for me. I ordered stickers on ebay, and I'm going to turn my second keyboard into a Dvorak keyboard. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, check the listing on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dvorak_Simplified_Keyboard. Az that's the plan for now. Preeow.