Splitting the Uprights

After my interview today, I met up with my buddy for lunch. He offered to drive us to Brooklyn, az I met him by his apartment and we got into the car. He's driving down Broadway and the first thing we notice is that they are building these bus stop islands down there. Seriously, they're building extra sidewalk in the right lane. Now to me that seems really stupid, because instead of the people waiting for the bus blocking the sidewalk, they're now blocking THE ENTIRE RIGHT LANE. Honestly, when was the last time you had to actually stop on the sidewalk and wait until a bus came so that you could continue walking? I figured there must be some rationale, az I called one of my roommates to ask him about it. He's totally the guy that would know exactly the reason. He said, and I quote, "they're idiots." Wonderful.

Anywho, we're about to make a left onto the Brooklyn Bridge when the bus in front of us just stops. My friend gets out of the car to check out what's going on, and apparently, there was a firetruck blocking the entire lane, az the bus couldn't go anywhere. Az we're waiting around, and finally the bus pulls up a little bit to let other cars by, but there still was barely enough room. I mean the bus driver was clearly a moron, because he had tons of room to move forward, but I guess the head bus dude wouldn't let him. I dunno. Anyway, I get out of the car and help my friend steer his massive Cadillac Escalade through the gap, which was about 2 inches wider than his car. His front left tire actually grazed the wall, and he had to pull in his mirrors to get by on the passenger side. It was awesome teamwork; you had to be there.

On the way back from lunch I got a call from my friend's aunt. She got me set up to do some kind of survey for an hour and a half, which will pay me $75. To prove that I'm articulate, she had to ask me about my favorite commercial. I told her I'd think of one and get back to her, but when I spoke to her today, she said that I took too long and she was forced to choose one for me. Lo and behold, she chose my least favorite line of commercials; she chose the Geico/caveman commercials. ARGH!!!!! I freakin' hate those commercials. I don't think they're funny at all! The ones I really like are the Staples/easy button commercials. I particularly like two of them. I'm having trouble finding transcripts of them online, but I'll try my best to give y'all the highlights. The first one I like is the one with the paper jam. It's not on TV anymore, but maybe some of you remember it:
Dude 1: "A paper jam? Get Pam, get Pam!"
Woman 1: "I am, I am."
Dude 1: "We always get slammed with these paper jams."
Dude 2: "Just give it a good wham!"
Woman 1: "I couldn't find Pam so I got Graham,"
etc.
The other one I like has an office worker who lost her easy button, az she asks a co-worker if she can borrow his. Hilarity ensues:
Guy A: "You want to use my easy button to find your easy button? Won't that like, tear a hole in the universe?"
Gal A: "Come on. What's the worst thing that'll happen?"
Guy A: "That's the worst thing that'll happen."
Seriously, the highest of high comedy.
Okay, time to shut my face.

P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.