No, I'm not going to be writing a depressing post; I just thought it would be unseemly to go through this sad period in our history without at least reminding everyone (myself included) that despite how awesome our lives are (and they are), we mustn't place anything above our memory of Jerusalem the Holy City.
With that bit of important business out of the way, I'd like to turn my attention to a few far less important (though no less inspiring) items about which I've been musing for the past couple of days. There are very few worldwide holidays; most holidays are confined to a religion or a country, but tomorrow, Saturday, July 21st, 2007, might just transcend all other days. Yes, my friends, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" hits bookshelves and delivery trucks at midnight! Who could have known that in the era of ipods (need a new one) and iphones (I'm not cool enough) and HDTV (awesome) and DVR (don't know how I lived without it), that the most exciting product available to consumers (a claim based on no statistical research whatsoever) would be a mere book. A collection of words. Strings of letters printed on recyled paper. Things that have existed for millenia (I'm so freakin excited that I'm typing in sentence fragments). Honestly, I'm beside myself. Seriously, the last author to have such an effect on so many people was D (of J, E, P, and D fame), and his (their?) existence is merely conjecture. J.K. Rowling is actually a) the richest woman in the United Kingdom, and b) G-d (also conjecture). It wouldn't surprise me to learn that in reality, Ms. Rowling is creating an army with which she can ascend up to Shamayim and supplant the Big Man as the supreme Power in the universe, and that her books are a source of spreading unspeakable evil among the Earth's inhabitants. Now, I'm clearly just rambling.
Now just imagining the crowds of people who will be waiting outside local Barnes and Noble'ses starting at, oh around...now, gives me the jibblies. It reminds me of an interesting phenomenon common to New York City. Just yesterday evening I was walking with one of my roommates to meet some friends for dinner in midtown, and not once, but at least twice did the following happen: pedestrians just decided to stop walking and stand in the middle of the sidewalk. Or even worse, sometimes people are just standing on the side of the street talking on the phone or tying their shoes, what have you (I never say that), and then without even looking at who's coming they re-enter pedestrian traffic. These two scenarios are equivalent to driving a car without rear-view mirrors! Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if a driver just stopped in the middle of the road or just pulled out of parking with absolutely no regard for the cars behind her?
Now, I'm a man (215 pounds worth, if you read my last post), and manly men like certain things, like sports. During the year (i.e. when it's not summer), there are other things to watch on television besides sports. This is true for a couple of reasons: a) Football, Basketball, and Hockey aren't on TV every day. Az even if I were to follow my local teams in each of those sports, I would still have free nights. b) Most of the big TV shows are on during the year, such as Lost, 24, House, and Grey's Anatomy. The reason I mention this is that last night I was watching the results portion of Az You Think You Can Dance, and my roommate decided to call my manhood into question. My response was as follows: Life for a man isn't always about sports and steak and money; sometimes we need balance. Watching a show like Az You Think You Can Dance or Grey's anatomy provides a good change of pace. Besides, I might have a teensy weensy crush on Kameron in addition to my much larger crush on Jaime.
On the topic of Kameron, since when did people start spelling normal names strangely? I grew up with names like James Cameron, and Cameron Diaz, and Candace Cameron, and Mike Cameron, and the DeCameron. Where did this K business come from? Who does Kameron Loe (SP for the Texas Rangers) think he is? And there are more examples. I grew up with people named Karen. Nowadays you see Karin, and Caren, and Caryn. Also, how many different ways are there to spell the name Antoine? There are athletes out there named Antwan, Antawn, Antowain, and the bizarrely weird Anquan. Anyone have more examples, send 'em in.
And finally, what 9-days-appropriate post would be complete without a sports rant. Someone recently asked me to join his fantasy football keeper league. A keeper league means that at the end of the season each team owner gets to keep a certain amount of players through next year. I strenuously, but politely declined the invitation because I think of keeper leagues as too much of a crapshoot. People always decide to keep rookies, or even players not yet in the league so as to get a leg up once they arrive on the scene. But Moneyball, my bible of sports knowledge, even acknowledges that scouting is an imperfect science, and most of the time players don't turn out to be as good as their potential. I dunno, I just feel like I'd be using the wrong tools to evaluate players, and the other owners would be more successful than me just due to dumb luck. I just don't think my mind is equipped with the right tools to successfully play fantasy sports in general. I'll give you an example. Last night my roommate (who is in first place in our fantasy baseball league) asked me (currently in 6th place out of 8) which of his players I want in exchange for either Jimmy Rollins or Chase Utley. Thinking I could cleverly out-maneouver him by vastly overstating the value of my players, I politely perused his lineup, which was ripe for the pilfering. Upon doing so, it occurred to me that my team was ever so much better than his. In fact, I claimed that my team would absolutly mop the floor with his on the field of play. See, this is the way my mind works; I can't determine which players are the most valuable in terms of fantasy statistics. I think I’m actually gonna go ahead and look at our players’ real stats to which I have access on baseball-reference.com, just so I could have some statistical data to support my claim. I’ll get on that once I’m through here. Cool. Enjoy the weekend everyone. I hope it’s Potterific.
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Schmutter's Idea Place. Oops, I meant "Palace." Schmutter's Idea Palace.
