Tzedakah Etiquette

As everyone knows, riding the subway can be a frustrating experience. This morning was just one such example. I arrived at the 59th street station at about 8:57, and a B or D train usually comes shortly. There are few things more frustrating than waiting for a B or D train and watching a C, an A, and then another C come by before the B or D. I'm sure you all notice this all the time. Like you'll be waiting on 59th street to go back uptown on the A and three Bs, four Cs, and two Ds come before the A finally arrives. And somehow this always seems to happen on a Friday when you're in a rush to get home for Shabbat. Anyway, that's just my daily vent.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the biggest ba'al chesed (good-deed doer) in the world, but one thing I find easy to do is give charity. Hopefully none of you will ever be in the position to have to beg, but if ever you do, please learn from my experiences with beggars:

1. I mention this topic today because I was leaving Milk and Honey at about 1:00, and I was accosted by a Jewish man asking for tzedakah right outside the entrance. Firstly, the man was exceedingly rude. He did not ask for money; he demanded that he be given it. Not only that, but when I ignored him and kept walking, he actually nudged me with his hand. If you're a beggar, don't ever EVER touch people; it's gross.

2. This one might only be annoying to me, but I'll hear what you have to say. Everyone knows that the subways are riddled with panhandlers, and some are more creative than others. It's rare that one will actually experience a peaceful subway ride; there will inevitably be one or more people playing music and collecting charity afterwards. Now I would posit that a person or people with a talent would be less likely to make money begging, because they actually have something positive to contribute to society. Meanwhile, I'm sure there are a lot of subway riders who find the music players annoying and would have gladly given to a normal beggar rather than being disturbed by the constant noise. I usually spend my subway rides reading or learning, az I hate when my subway car turns into a concert hall, especially during sefirah or the three weeks.

3. The remainder of my noteworthy tzedakah experiences occurred while I was in Israel. Right around Rosh Hashana time, I was approached by a woman right outside Sha'ar Ha'ashpot near the Wall, and she wouldn't stop bother me about "Rav Bina!! Rav Binaaaa!!" Anyway, when I went to give her a few one and two shekel coins she refused to take them stating that she would only accept paper money. Somehow, in my naivete, she finagled a 50 shekel bill from me. G-d knows I'll never let that happen again.

4. On most Thursday afternoons and Saturday nights during my year in Israel, I would find myself on Ben Yehudah street. I would often be engaged in conversation with a number of other people at the same time, just standing on the street. There used to be an old man who spoke no English (and no Hebrew as far as I could tell) who carried around those red strings to give to people who gave him charity. Anyway, he used to barge his way in on our conversations and shake his finger at us threatingly. I never gave that guy. I mean, I don't blame him for panhandling on Ben Yehuda, since it was always filled with rich American kids, but do it the right way. Like this dude:

5. In much the same way as the crazy old man, there used to be a nice gentleman who would traverse Ben Yehuda street with his wife and kid, and they would also look for groups of us and ask us for tzedakah. The difference is that this man spoke proper English and spoke humbly and apologetically. He would apologize profusely for disturbing us, and then would ask us if we could spare the smallest amount of money so that his wife and kid could eat. He was kind and friendly, and I would always give him.

Another words, don't be rude. Don't think that anyone owes you anything. Don't treat those who are more fortunate than you with disdain. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. Say "please" and "thank you."

Geez, look at me trying to lecture people on begging etiquette. These people mamash have NOTHING, and I'm busting their chops? Who the hell do I think I am? I'm a monster. Ignore everything I just said.