Response to Shwarma Post

In my last post I ended by saying that chicken is not chicken, but shwarma is shwarma. Now, that last thing I meant by saying that is that shwarma is shwarma, which is funny because that's exactly what I said. I just want to qualify my assertion by saying that there is really no distinct flavor difference between chicken shwarma, lamb shwarma, and turkey shwarma, at least not to my untrained soft and hard palates respectively. This is not to say that all shwarmas are created equally. (Note: you can say either "created equally" or "created to be equal." Either way, "created equal" is incorrect. Thanks Honest Abe. Honestly, Abe, did you think no one would pick up on it?) Anywho, depending on whom you ask, you will get varying opinions on which is the best shwarma around. I think the largest ongoing debate, at least within my relatively small social circle, is the one between Massov Shwarma and Maoz Shwarma. Both happen to be extremely good, but let's do this debate my way, i.e. the mathematical way. Both restaurants will be judged on these categories: size, price, flavor, structure, location, fame, and options. Each category will receive a rating of one to three. For visual ease I hereby replace the string of letters "ONE" with the character "1," the string "TWO" with the character "2," and the string "THREE" with the character "3" for the remainder of the post.
Let's begin with size. Both places make a hefty sandwich. Massov charges more for their laffa sandwich due to its bigger size, but from my experience, which for this post is the only one that matters, Massov's laffa sandwich is too big to finish in one helping, and the last thing you want is old Israeli shwarma lion around. So just to be fair to those with bigger appetites than mine, we'll give them both a rating of 2.
Next we have price. The last time I had shwarma in either of those places, Maoz charged 20 shekels and Massov charged 25. I'm quite certain that even though Massov's is larger, it's not 25% larger, so we'll give Maoz a rating of 3 and Massov a rating of 2.
Ooooh, flavor. This is what it's all about. I tend to like spicier food, and even without the charif sauce Maoz'z meat has a tangier flavor. Massov's is still very good but the meat needs too many ecoutrements. Maoz gets a 3 and Massov gets a 2.
Structure is where Massov really gets a leg up. I've eaten around 50 shwarmas from Maoz and fewer than half a dozen of them have failed to fall apart. Another words, if you order from Maoz don't wear your best white shirt. The guys at Massov must have taken a course in laffa folding because they do a great job. Massov scores a 3, Maoz gets a 1.
Ahh, the 3 most important words I know, "location, location, location." Massov is located right near the Tachana Mercazit, which means if you arrive in Jerusalem on the bus you can get a shwarma right away. Also, any time you want to visit MMY, and I have, you can get a shwarma on the way, which I did. However, if you want to get to Massov from the old city you can either walk for 40 minutes or take the bus. Maoz is definitely in a prime location, on King George right around the corner from Ben Yehuda. Most likely no more than a 20 minute walk from anywhere you might be in Jerusalem except Talpiot or Har Nof. From the old city you can take the bus, a taxi or walk through the old city and then up Rechov Yafo. Score 3 for Maoz and 2 for Massov.
In terms of fame this isn't even a contest. Maoz has been around for 30 years and is known as the best shwarma place in Israel. Massov is definitely on the rise, but it still has a ways to go. Maoz 3, Massov 2.
And finally options. Massov gives you the option of Hetzi Hetzi, while Maoz does not. I don't know of any important options other than that one, so give a 3 to Massov and 2 to Maoz.
So there you have it folks. Maoz wins it 17-16. For now I'll have to survive with Golan Heights, Ali Baba, and Grille Point, all solid options. Maybe I'll discuss those next time. If I have time and I'm trading poorly, then maybe I'll do them today. Good night and good luck.